


Deserving of her Love

by Theevilartichoke



Category: Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice (1995), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Light Angst, Loss of Trust, Love, Marriage Proposal, Rejection, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-23 00:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13178268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theevilartichoke/pseuds/Theevilartichoke
Summary: It was simple to love him. But to forgive him and trust him was a different manner. When Bingley returns after a year away, Jane finds it difficult to let him into her heart again. How will Bingley once again win the love of the woman he left?





	1. Chapter 1

“And you say she loves me?”

Mr. Darcy had confessed all. He had told Bingley how he had wrongfully encouraged him to leave Netherfield, how he had deceived him and withheld information on Miss Bennet’s presence in London, and most importantly how he had misinterpreted her feelings for Bingley.

And now he stood, tensely waiting for his closest friend’s reaction, fearing that he could never forgive their wrongdoings. For after Darcy’s own separation from his lady-love, he despised the thought of being separated from her if she had loved him back. But she did not, and Darcy had hurt her too with his meddling. Darcy could only pray that his friend’s gentle temperament would remain in this circumstance and that Bingley would find it in his heart to forgive his traitorous friend.

“Bingley, I cannot speak for Miss Bennet. Her disposition speaks of a shy love, and Miss Elizabeth said that she loved you in April. But for truth, you will have to ask the lady in question.

“Then I shall. Tomorrow morning you will find me at Longbourn asking the loveliest woman in all of England to be my wife. Wish me luck.

“I wish you luck and happiness. But will you forgive me? My actions were abhorrent and I cannot bear to think of them.”

“Then think of them no longer Darce. I know I shall not once I have my angel on my arm. Oh, aren’t I lucky, to have the love of such a kind and graceful woman? After tomorrow I fear a smile will be permanently stuck to my face Darcy!”

And so Darcy listened patiently as his lovestruck friend rambled about his angel. He did not worry about the confidence his friend carried for tomorrow’s outcome. He firmly believed that Jane loved Bingley. So unlike Darcy’s next likely proposal, this outcome both men believed was certain.

Both men retired peacefully that night for the time in months — one at last hoping for security in the arms of the one he loved, and the other satisfied that he had finally amended a great wrong against a dear friend.  
_____________  
The sun dawned that morning, and Bingley felt it’s brightness paled to that of his angel’s smile. The birds sang gaily and he reflected on how her clear voice echoed more beautifully, even when she only spoke. But as he raced over to Longbourn, he could not lament these things for he was sure that the sun shone and the birds sang merely to rejoice that he was in love with the kindest women on Earth. And if one found this self-centered, Bingley could not bring himself to care for he had won the love of this woman so for one day he deserved it.

As he greeted Jane, her sisters, and Mrs. Bennet that morning, Mr. Bingley struggled to restrain himself to remain within the bounds of propriety. However, with all congeniality, he discussed the weather, the hunting, and all sorts of trivial matters with Mrs. Bennet. All he desired was the intimate conversation reserved for lovers. But how was he to go about it?

He considered proposing a walk. Then he feared that only Miss Elizabeth would join he and Jane, and they could not kindly leave their chaperone without a walking partner. He considered requesting an audience with Mr. Bennet first, but he could not stand to let his angel out of his sight. 

Right as he could barely resist the urge to drag Jane bodily into the coat closet and propose, he found that Mrs. Bennet had managed to clear the room. Before Bingley could comprehend what was happening, he found an empty room with the door closed and naught but his beloved remained.

Bingley had never openly criticized or gossiped about Mrs. Bennet, like Caroline and Louisa did. Nor had he scowled at her loud outbursts like Darcy had. But his opinions of her were primarily reserved to kind tolerance as a friendly neighbour, and obligatory love to his hopeful future mother-in-law. 

Now, he could listen to her raptures every day. What did it matter if she loudly bragged about his fortune or meddled in their relationship? She could matchmake as long as his match was her beautiful daughter.

And that daughter now sat before him, blushing prettily and staring intently at her sewing but making little progress.

And Mr. Bingley fell to his knees.

“Jane,” he murmured softly. Her eyes remained cast down. “Dearest Jane,” He caught her left hand between his two. She looked up at last, and he smiled.

“When I left Netherfield Park last November, I was desolate. I would hide myself in the house. And when Caroline dragged me out to dinners or balls, I found that all the lovely women only made me think of the infinitely lovelier one I left behind in Hertfordshire. Had I thought you loved me, neither my sisters or a herd of wild horses could have held me back from returning to your side. And when I learned that you were in London that whole time, my heart broke for knowing I could have seen you all that time. But now I have been given new hope that you have loved me all along,” 

H.e hesitated, looked down at their joined hands, and back into her soft blue eyes before continuing, “And so dearest, kindest, loveliest Jane, will you consent to make me the happiest man on Earth by marrying me and becoming Mrs. Bingley?”

She smiled. His heart soared. She opened her mouth. He prepared himself for incomparable joy. She withdrew her hand.

“No thank you,” she said almost casually, as if turning down a cup of tea rather than the love of her life.

His heart crashed.

“Forgive me, Miss Bennet,” he murmured, “I had misunderstood the situation. Please forgive me for imposing on you in such a manner.” 

And Charles Bingley rose and turned towards the door, dejected and prepared to leave the love of his life forever. But he found he couldn’t. 

“May I know why?”

Her eyes remained cast down on her forgotten sewing. Her hands trembled unknown to her rejected suitor. For what felt like hours to Bingley she sat in contemplation. At last, she glanced up.

“You hurt me.”

The words were simple and sharp, and they hit their target.

“Miss Bennet, I must beseech you to forgive me. I would have never left you if Darcy and Caroline had not convinced me that you did not love me.”

“Is not the love between a couple one determined by them? Why would you not determine my feelings for yourself before deciding to abandon me forever?”

He hesitated, before responding, “Darcy has always been a confidante. He has never led me astray in all the years I have known him. I could only trust him.”

“And not me?”

He remained silent, acknowledging that he had failed her.

“I followed you to London. I pined after you for months. And when you came back here, I thought perhaps we could be happy. But now I wonder how a man more led by friends than his own instincts could ever make me happy.”

Jane rose, and her hands began to shake once again. 

“ I may hide my feelings, but I follow them. I wish you the best, Mr. Bingley.”

She turned her back on the man she still loved, swept past her mother waiting to hear the good news, and hid in the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Please let me know what you think, whether it's negative or positive. I'll like you more if it's the latter but learn more from the former.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth and Darcy are surprised to hear about Jane's refusal.

Jane had finally managed to suppress her tears when Lizzy walked in. The opened door amplified the sound of Mrs. Bennet’s shrieking as her sister smiled sympathetically. And Jane lost herself sobbing once again.

Every woman needs some sort of solitude when coping with heartbreak. Still, there is nothing like the warm embrace of one’s sister and best friend to provide comfort in times of distress. So the sisters sat on Jane’s bed, one crying and the other whispering soft consolation in her ear.

Neither knew how long they sat there. But when Jane had once again gained control of herself, she untangled herself from Lizzy’s arms, sat up, and looked directly into her sisters eyes. “Did they hear?”

“Hear what?”

Jane was sure that Lizzy spoke in sincere ignorance — for had anyone else heard, their mother would have been screeching about it loud enough for all of Hertfordshire to hear and she certainly would have known. But she found she could not withhold this information from her favorite sister, lest she explode from the lonely knowledge. “My… refusal.”

“Of marriage?” Elizabeth watched Jane’s nod and sat back in surprise, “No. No I didn’t.”

Both sisters sat in silence, pondering this turn of events and uncertain how to speak of it. Elizabeth was the first to lose patience. “Jane, you love Mr. Bingley. I know you claimed to be over him. You claimed him to be a polite acquaintance, an impartial friend, but I knew you and you love him still. Why did you refuse him?”

“I was going to accept him. I was about to. I had dreamed of today for nearly a year, and it felt like at last everything was coming to fruition. But when the moment came to answer, I remembered all the pain. I remembered how I followed him to London, hoping every morning that he would call and being dissapointed every evening. Yes, Lizzy, I love him. And had he not left last November, I would have accepted readily and joyfully. But the pain is still fresh. He chose his cruel sisters over me and did not even ask if I cared before leaving. I do not trust Mr. Bingley and I cannot marry a man I don’t trust.”

Elizabeth listened thoughtfully to her elder sisters words before giving a sudden laugh. “I seem to be rubbing off on you, dear sister. You have both rejected a wedding proposal and insulted the Bingley sisters. I’m almost proud of you, though I hope the sweet tempered sister I know and love is in there somewhere. Be careful or you might find yourself on long rambles in the country and getting in most impertinent arguments.”

Jane, at first baffled by Lizzy’s amused tone, soon found herself giggling with her, assuring her that she would soon return to her usual disposition. 

\---------

When Mr. Darcy’s butler announced the arrival of a visitor, the last man that Darcy expected to be shown in was the friend he had left two days earlier.. And yet here Bingley stood, tapping his foot impatiently for some reason Darcy could not fathom. 

“Good God Bingley, what on Earth has happened to put you in such a state. Is Miss Bennet well?”

“Miss Bennet is well. At least she is now that I am gone,” the usually amiable man spat out.

“She did not… refuse you?” 

Bingley’s silence was all the answer Darcy needed. He sighed, reflecting on his own rejection which Bingley still remained unaware of.

“I’m sorry Bingley. I am sure there is no pain greater than to be rejected by the one you love. Forgive me for asking, but did she say why?”

“I hurt her Darcy,” Bingley glared at the floor, before slowly raising the glare to the man in front of him, “Nay you hurt her. You were the one who told me she didn’t care for me. You were the one who returned to London, hindering me from returning to Netherfield. You were the one when, upon learning the truth hid it from me from April until now. You kept me from her, and now I have lost my chance with her forever.” 

Darcy was shocked and did not know how to respond to this new information. Just a day ago, he had left his friend hopeful for his happiness and content that his long past mistakes would, at last, be repaired. Against all odds and reason, Bingley had forgiven him. Apparently, the forgiveness had been conditional. Still, even if it was a day late Darcy had sworn to accept graciously any anger or accusations flung at him by him. 

And so, after some reflection, Darcy rose and apologized with all the sincerity his heart could muster. "You're right. It was not my intention to hurt Miss Bennet, but neither did I take her feelings into account as much as I should have. I can only assure you of my deepest regrets for my actions, offer my condolences for your disappointment and pray that in time will be able to find happiness."

He did not mention that he hoped that happiness would be found with Jane Bennet, and exactly how much hope he had that Miss Bennet would accept a future renewal of his proposal. For if the amiable Mr. Bingley who had won the affections of the woman he loved could not win her hand in marriage, what hope did Darcy have of wooing her far more stubborn sister? 

"I shouldn't have left," Bingley suddenly said after an extended silence.

"It was my fault. I told her she didn't love you; I pulled you away."

"And I listened. To you, rather than to my heart. I should have asked her. Instead, I was a coward. I fled the county, without a care for the possibility that it could hurt her far more than a short rejection would have hurt me. If I had just spoken to her, like a man, both of us would have been spared so much pain."

Darcy did not know how to respond to his perpetually optimistic friend's self-loathing words. While it was a relief to have the wrath turned away from him, Darcy could not bear to watch Bingley suffer from the same pain that had been his constant accomplice in the months following his own proposal. He pulled out a decanter of brandy and poured them both a glass. After they had both sat pondering the turn of events and comforting themselves with the pleasures of alcohol, Darcy made a painful decision.

"It seems like the Bennet sisters have cursed us."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"To love them from afar. Miss Elizabeth rejected my proposal of marriage back in April."

Bingley slammed his cup down and faced Darcy. "Miss Elizabeth? What? Forgive me Darcy, but I never saw a sign of it. Why at Netherfield, you acted so coldly to her, as you did to the entire society! Why I even remember you calling her merely tolerable when we met at that first assembly. When on Earth did feelings arise during all your aloofness?"

Darcy winced at the memory of that long forgotten insult to what he now saw as Elizabeth's exquisite beauty, and for the first time reflected on whether she had heard it from her nearby seat. "Feelings certainly did not arise on her side, that I assure you. Except perhaps those of hate. And you know Bingley, that I am always aloof in strange society — and struggling to hide my feelings for a beautiful and passionate young woman certainly did not help that situation.”

Bingley forgot his morose behavior as he began to worry about the friend who, though he was still slightly bitter towards, had been suffering for all these months without comfort or support. "Surely she cannot hate you, Darcy? I saw you two at Pemberley, and she was most kind, to you and your sister. That is certainly not the actions of a woman who despises you."

"She hated me then, of that I am sure. I hope that it no longer remains. I hope that I have gained her trust, or at least raised her opinion of me to that of an impartial acquaintance. I have attended to her reproofs and amended my mistakes to the best of my abilities. But I cannot dare hope for more until I see some assurance of it. I can only aspire to be a man worthy of such a gift."

"Why are you so sure of her hatred? You were not the most friendly of men in Hertfordshire, certainly. But besides a few insensitive remarks, I can think of nothing that would lead to such deep-seated resentment."

Darcy hesitated only a moment before deciding to tell all. "While my behavior last Fall certainly did not help, I will concede that it was not that led to to the fire of fury that she had for me at the time of my proposal. Nor was it helped by the fact that I remained a perfect brute to her, insulting her family, even as I declared my love for her."

Bingley frowned disapprovingly, but his friend simply shook his head and moved on, "George Wickham's lies were perhaps the ones that poisoned her against me first. But what cemented her hatred of me was that I had led you away from Miss Bennet."

"That was where I learned of her affections. And I had hoped, that with your engagement to her sister, I would have at least amended the most major of my faults and that I could depart from her satisfied that my presence would not harm her. But it appears it is too late. I have hurt the Bennet family irrevocably." Darcy laughed bitterly at the ironic situation. 

Bingley jumped to his feet with sudden renewed vigor. "That will not do Darcy. While other influences may have been present, the departure to leave Jane was my own. You have sought to learn from your own rejection, and I must do the same. I was not a man worthy of her then. But I must strive to be. I will woo her, and not ask for her hand again until I am certain that I am even half of a man that is deserving of her love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's read my work and to everyone who commented, gave kudos, or subscribed to this story! 
> 
> This one was a bit shorter than intended, but I realized it had a good place to end and the next scene is a good place to begin. So you'll have to content yourself with slightly shorter scenes for now - but because I planned to include part of the next chapter in this one, you'll see it by Thursday morning. Let me know if you'd prefer that I make a more concerted effort to increase chapter lengths - or anything else you feel like saying!


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week since the day of that fated proposal and Mr. Bingley had not been seen. Indeed, it seemed to the residents of Hertfordshire that he had all but disappeared off the face of the planet. It was apparent that Netherfield had not closed, for the servants were still active in their work. But he had left no word. If he was hidden within the walls of Netherfield, then he must have never left his room. But neither had anyone seen him or heard of any journey's elsewhere. It was most unlike him - for even after he fled the country a year prior he had at least left word of his intentions.

Mrs. Bennet was most displeased with the entire affair. She remained unaware of the proposal and so certain was she that Jane would accept it that any other possibility did not even enter her mind. She instead determined that Jane must not have been forward enough to encourage the attention of Mr. Bingley.

And so Jane was forced to suffer through her mother's ministrations, as she instructed that when Mr. Bingley came again, Jane must tighten her bodice to show off her figure, loosen her stays to call attention to her bosom and touch his arm beguilingly at every opportunity. Otherwise, it was certain that they would be thrown out into the hedgerows.

Jane bore this all with patience, and firmness when her mother's tactics became too extreme. Still, even the most patient of creatures can only withstand so much gentle torture so Elizabeth would help her flee the house and find peace in the wilderness outside at times.

"Lizzy," she said on one such occurrence, "You don't think Mama could be right, do you? About the hedgerows?"

"Jane! Of course she isn't. We are resourceful, and if some other rich man does not come to sweep us both off our feet before the day is out, then we'll just become governesses."

'But what if she is? Longbourn is entailed. Father still isn’t quite himself ever since the stress of Lydia’s elopement, and if something happened to him we would have nowhere to go. I fear that I made a mistake when I turned down Mr. Bingley. I don’t have the luxury of turning down respectable proposals. 

Lizzy sombered for a moment but brightened up again just as quickly. “Come Jane, you’ll make me feel guilty now. After all, I’ve turned down two proposals already and I am the younger, less beautiful, and far less kind of us two sisters. Before you know it there will be ten rich suitors knocking at the door of Longbourn, all having heard that the estimable Jane Bennet is once again free for courting. Why I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Darcy himself rides up tomorrow morning, having learned that the Bennet sister he wanted all along is now available and he won’t have to settle for the crueler younger model.”

Jane smiled in appreciation for her sister’s attempt to cheer her up but it did not reach her eyes, “It's not just that," she hesitated, shaking her head with a dry laugh, "I'm behaving like a child.

"Forgive me Jane, but that's the silliest thing I've ever heard you say. You're the strongest I've ever seen you. You did not follow the easy path when Mr. Bingley proposed but stuck to your convictions. If that is childlike then I don't want to be an adult."

"But I didn't turn him down for the right reasons Lizzy. The ones that I stated may have been right. But I told you that I loved him still, and that truth remains. When I spoke to Mr. Bingley that morning, part of me was imagining him bravely pursuing me despite all odds. In the back of my mind, I imagined myself a romance heroine. But life isn't a fairy tale, nor Mr. Bingley a knight in shining armor. Yet I still love him regardless, and I turned him down and now I fear he will never return."

"If you believe that the words you spoke are true, then you did do the right thing. Bingley did not pursue you against odds last Fall. If he cannot rise to the occasion now then you can be confident that he has not changed, that he is not a man worthy of you, and that you made the right decision. When love is pure, you will find yourself changed for the better."

Jane nudged her sister teasingly, "When did you become so wise in matters of the heart?"

If she was expecting a cheeky remark and a bright smile, Jane was to be disappointed. "When I lost mine," Elizabeth replied and turned her feet towards Longbourn, hoping to pass the conversation without telling all.

Jane would not allow a revelation like this to pass by without a story, and so she grabbed her sister's wrist. "Lizzy, you cannot say something like that and expect me to allow you to pass by. What are you speaking of?"

Elizabeth hesitated torn between the desire to release her pent-up emotions and the knowledge that what she had to say could hurt Jane more. But when she saw the sincerity and concern in her sister's eyes, Lizzy found that she could not hold her in suspense and walked to a bench and sat. 

"I fell in love with Mr. Darcy. After his proposal of course. When we were in Derbyshire, we ran into him while visiting his estate — did Aunt Gardiner tell you of this?"  
Jane nodded with wide eyes, so Elizabeth continued “Well, he seemed altogether a different man than when I knew in Hertfordshire or Kent. He was loving towards his sister, amiable towards the Gardiner’s, and truly the best of gentlemen. I still don’t know if there was a true change in his demeanor or if my eyes were opened to his true kindness. But then your letter arrived,”

Elizabeth’s voice cut off temporarily as her eyes peered into another time. “And he came to call soon afterward. I could not hide my distress and told him all. He was kind, a perfect gentleman. But as he walked away, I found myself fearing that I would never see him again — and for the first time I realized what he meant to me.”

“But he did come back Lizzy! You cannot give up all hope.”

“I’ll say the same to you — once your Mr. Bingley decides to stop hiding away. But in my case, I fear that he could never consent to having George Wickham as a brother-in-law, much less subjecting his sister to that fate. 

Elizabeth chose not to inform her sister of how Mr. Darcy had in fact brought about the wedding of Lydia and Wickham. She could not account for it herself. Jane was sure to interpret it as something beyond what it was.

“I hope it is different for you dear sister. Still, even if Mr. Darcy had continued in his affections for me against all odds, I begin to fear that a man, once rejected, will never renew a proposal of marriage.

\-----------

The next day brought a visit from the Lucas family. This was no unusual affair. At least once a week Lady Lucas would come to their doorstep bringing all sorts of senseless gossip from Meryton as Kitty and Maria ran off giggling. But today, John Lucas came along, politely visiting after returning from his travels in the North. And with him was an unknown gentleman.

Introductions were made. The gentleman’s name was Mr. Thomas Walker. He had met John Lucas at university. And, as Mrs. Bennet learned while loudly whispering with Lady Lucas, he was the heir to an estate in the North worth 2000 pounds a year. It was little compared to Mr. Bingley, but it was certainly more than respectable for any of her girls.

Of course, the scheming Lady Lucas will want him for her own daughters, Mrs. Bennet thought bitterly. And she had the advantage of hosting the man. But Charlotte Lucas had stolen their last gentleman visitor after all, so it was high time that the Bennet’s returned the favor.

Now which daughter would fit him? The man was polite, quiet. He had none of the exuberance of Mr. Bingley, nor the condescending airs of that abominable Mr. Darcy. 

Jane of course was taken. Lizzy might do if she learned to rein in her audacious character, for it may overwhelm this man’s quieter disposition. Mary could do, if this man hid a secret intellectual and indeed boring side, but that remained to be seen. Kitty was the youngest unwed daughter, but Mrs. Bennet was certain that her manners could draw anyone in. That was one daughter who knew how to entice a man. Of course, Kitty may be able to do better than Mr. Walker. 

Still uncertain of his character, Mrs. Bennet decided to put the specifics of her matchmaking aside for now. She would watch where his eyes wandered and encourage the relationship as time progressed.

And his eyes were firmly on Jane.

Mrs. Bennet’s first instincts were to move his attentions. Perhaps Lizzy might make some brazen comment and draw his notice, or Kitty could beguile him with her laughter. Jane was for Mr. Bingley.

But he had left and not come back once before. For the first time since his return to Netherfield, Mrs. Bennet found herself again remembering the lingering fear that he might not return, might never marry Jane. And of course, if he did, she would encourage the relationship. But Mr. Bingley was not there and Mr. Walker was. Jane must marry.

Lizzy watched the affair with furrowed brows. Jane and Mr. Walker’s conversation was polite, congenial, everything amiable. To an outsider, Jane appeared as interested as any unmarried woman would be. Her manner was attentive, her smile genuine. But Lizzy saw how her eyes met his confidently as she would with any acquaintance. They did not carry the shy eagerness that they did when she was with Mr. Bingley. Her hands remained firmly clasped in the center of her lap, not inching steadily nearer to the man she conversed with.

Jane was not in love.

Still, perhaps with time, Mr. Walker would be able to win her. Elizabeth did not know the man’s character, but he appeared more self-assured, more persistent than Jane’s previous suitor. And perhaps that was exactly what Jane needed.

Lizzy knew how love could grow. Yes, her love had stemmed from one fiery passion giving way to another, not polite apathy giving way to love. But just as Jane was different from Lizzy, so was the way she fell in love.

Jane still loved Mr. Bingley, and Elizabeth hoped desperately that he would return and woo her sister. But Mr. Bingley was not there and Mr. Walker was. Jane must be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has read my work! I hope you all are having an awesome 2018!
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcome.


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